Rand meets Orwell
The Department of Government Efficiency.
Say it out loud. Let it roll around in your head for a moment. Sounds like something out of a satire, doesn’t it? A name so flat, so cheerless, so perfectly bureaucratic that it practically begs for suspicion. But that’s the point. That’s the genius. It’s designed to be unassailable — because who, after all, could be against efficiency?
And yet I hear echoes. Not whispers from Washington, but voices from two very different dystopias.
From one corner, George Orwell. The Department of Government Efficiency could’ve easily slotted in next to the Ministry of Truth, the Ministry of Peace, the Ministry of Love — all of which did the opposite of what they claimed. Efficiency, in this case, is not about streamlined service or cost-saving measures. It’s about control. Surveillance. Punishment for redundancy as defined by the state. Your job is wasteful? Gone. Your data usage excessive? Flagged. Your opinions outdated? Corrected. A government that talks like this rarely seeks clarity — it seeks obedience.
From the other, Ayn Rand. The name evokes the cold geometry of a Galtian spreadsheet. Everything quantifiable. Every worker’s value boiled down to productivity per unit. In Rand’s world, inefficiency is sin, altruism is weakness, and bureaucracy is just socialism in a cheap suit. So what happens when a government adopts the tone of her corporate monologue but keeps all the power of the state? You get efficiency with a badge and a gun.
In both worlds, the individual disappears.
What concerns me most is that this isn’t fiction anymore. A real Department of Government Efficiency (or some equally hollow name) would likely begin by trimming fat — useless reports, outdated programs, overlapping roles. But soon, the knife cuts deeper. Arts programs? Not efficient. Scientific inquiry with no immediate product? Wasteful. Public libraries? Outmoded. Compassion? Not scalable.
And so the word becomes a weapon. Not a tool for better governance, but a smokescreen for ideological purging. Just like “patriotism” was hijacked to mean blind loyalty, “efficiency” becomes code for centralization, consolidation, and quiet eradication of anything inconvenient to the ruling logic.
It won’t wear jackboots.
It’ll wear a suit and carry an iPhone.
So yes, the name makes me think of Orwell — for the lie in the label. And Ayn Rand — for the cruelty in calculus.
When they tell you it’s for your own good, check your wallet.
When they tell you it’s efficient, check who’s been erased.
Addendum: Leaked Internal Memo
From the files of the Department of Government Efficiency (DoGE)
INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
Department of Government Efficiency (DoGE)
CONFIDENTIAL — For Authorized Streamlined Personnel Only
SUBJECT: Weekly Efficiency Audit & Citizen Optimization Schedule
Dear Comrade-Employee,
Congratulations! You have successfully survived another week under the Department’s Provisional Productivity Quota. Please see below for important updates, actionable metrics, and morale reminders:
- Redundancy Elimination
Following last week’s audit, we identified 37 positions duplicating tasks previously deemed necessary by emotional logic. These individuals have been efficiently transitioned into the Free-Time Labor Market. Their access to public transportation and spoken word has been temporarily suspended pending further attitude optimization. - Efficiency Ratings Now Public
In keeping with our Transparency Protocols™, all citizen efficiency scores will now be displayed in real time on your government-issued badge, driver’s license, and face (via AR projection). Citizens scoring below 73.5 will be encouraged to self-reflect in an Isolation Pod. - Creativity Moratorium (Phase One)
Effective immediately, all non-revenue-generating artistic pursuits are paused for evaluation. If you believe your poem, painting, or documentary offers measurable economic value, please file Form 27-BRUTUS and wait 18–24 months for processing. - Compassion Metric Trials (Florida Only)
Pilot program begins Monday. Residents will be asked to justify acts of empathy using a weighted cost-benefit analysis. Those unable to assign monetary value to their kindness will be re-educated using Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead, narrated by a voice-optimized Ben Shapiro. - Reminder: Thought Lag = Theft
If you find yourself daydreaming, you are stealing time from the Department. Please report yourself via the Efficiency Mirror in your nearest Smart Restroom.